i permit you to call me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
