i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
