you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
