i permit you to call me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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