I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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