i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
