it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
