dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
