Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
