I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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