I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
