is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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