It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
