She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
