So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
