Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
