He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
