no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
