Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
