ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize