she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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