Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
