If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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