fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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