I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
