Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
