yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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