does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize