he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
