Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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