yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
