OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
