I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
