my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
