last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
