next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
