Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
