Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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