My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
