Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
