we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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