i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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