let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
