My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
