JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
