I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
