I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
