Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
