At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
