Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My ass is underappreciated
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
