I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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