i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
