sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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