people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
