No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
