Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So vagazzling was a success
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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