sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
