I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i came on her dog
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
