she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
