I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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