Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
