May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
