There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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