Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
