just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize