i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just cropdusted the office
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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