I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
