just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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