I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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