So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
