not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Randomize
