A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
