fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize