Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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