i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
