Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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