How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
