Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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