I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Randomize
