i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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