i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
