perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
