You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
