haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
