after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
