we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and she was petting her beer can
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
