I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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