I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
