Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize