ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
