I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
