he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
