A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
