My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
