You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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