Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize