Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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