Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
