My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
