Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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