Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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