dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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