doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize