The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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