Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
