Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
