My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
