This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
