This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
