Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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