I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
