my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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