Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
