shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
