I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
