There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
