Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
