@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
