Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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