last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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