Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
